Never Tell

This is probably the best song I’ve made that I don’t want to play for anyone. Depending on your definition of a song’s value this could be a good or bad thing. I like songs that reveal uncomfortable truths, but it’s still embarrassing. My impulse to incriminate myself in music must seem bafflingly perverse to those who live in fear of being found out, and to some degree it’s this tug of war between what’s really going on and what we show the world that is at the heart of this song.

There is an impulse to explain or apologize for a song like this but that feels wrong. I’ll try and walk the middle path, inviting you into it, to decide for yourself if and how you relate to it.

None of the details in “Never Tell” are made up.

The relationship it describes taught me to reject jealousy as a dangerous force that is neither natural nor useful. In trying to take full responsibility for the violent energy inspired by this relationship I learned how we all live inside of abusive systems and dynamics we’re mostly ill-equipped to navigate. Those of us who come from families where our parents were unable to reconcile the differences baked into their kids’ DNA have our own unique challenges in this regard. And since this is such heated and dangerous terrain I will debase myself further by turning this into a PSA for the best lesson I learned when confronting my capacity for violence in a domestic relationship….

It’s almost always a good idea to walk a way from a heated conversation before it escalates and come back to it later, even if doing so feels like abandoning your partner. If the conversation always escalates, it’s time to establish better boundaries. or end that relationship. And if your partner won’t let you leave, that’s a kind of abuse.