Another X-Mas Song

I hate this album’s X-Mas song.

I can’t tell how much of this ire is justified and how much of it is colored by other factors. Whenever a songwriter is critical of their own singing voice it is to be expected and yet I find this vocal performance to be literally unforgivable. At least on the first verse, but that’s all it takes for me. Not with anyone else. I’ll hang with other singer’s weaker moments as a kind of intimacy, and I can sometimes afford a similar latitude to my own performances, but not with this one, which makes me think there is something even more meta going on.

As I’m writing this I know I should put “Another X-Mas Song” on to reference it. As part of my process I do this with all the other songs but I honestly can’t bring myself to press play on this one. I can be all alone and it’s still a painfully embarrassing experience, compounded by my embarrassment at being embarrassed. This is even though, when I absolutely had to listen to the track in order to transcribe the lyrics, I was struck by how good it gets as it progresses. Maybe not my performance but Bryan Schey’s arrangement and orchestration and I probably still stand by most of the lyrics, so I’m hoping, despite or even because of my failings, you will be able to extract the goodness from this track, especially if you dislike Christmas songs as much as I do.



If I hear another Christmas song I really think
I’m gonna have to go outside
and have another drink
I mean there probably was a time
when these festivities were pure
but now when they say “silent night”
I think,
“God I wish it were”
I wish it were
a silent night
Dare I say,
“Sir, shut out your Christmas light”
I’d love to see
the real star of Bethlehem
or meet just one of these supposed wise men
but don’t pretend
that this whole gaudy showcase
is for them

Does anyone remember
when the soldiers
came along in their flowing robes
acting as if they were god
and everybody else was Job
They took away our ceremonies
Took away our laws
they took and then made crooked
almost everything they saw
They took their name
from an extinguished flame
who they could kill
but who they could not tame
and now
we’re s’posed to
go out and buy more stuff
and that’ll be enough
to bring us peace
on earth
and all that other groovy stuff so…

If I hear another Christmas song I really think
I’m gonna have to hurt someone
Ya better call my shrink
And lest ye think
that this is just a case
of lacking in good cheer
imagine how you’d feel
if every single year
you had to hear
this stupid song
ringin’ in your ear
for the whole month long

Yeah then
you might
start to show some sympathy
for those who feel like me
and think that we
would rather
the Christmas tree

If I hear another Christmas song…


Written by Andras Jones

Andras Jones – Electric Guitar & Vocals
Tom Johnson – Piano
Brian Schey – Bass Guitar & Groans
Colin Mahoney – Drums & Percussion
The Sisters of Christ Almighty Parish: Emily Randel, Jennifer Sharpe, Anne Stephens & Carmen Winters – Vocals
& The Shawnee Mission Philharmonic

Produced with Brian Schey & Colin Mahoney
at z’gwon,th studio in Lawrence, Kansas – September & October 1999
with engineering help from Tom Johnson,
Dan Balsinger & Anne Stephens